


Dear Diary

by hyttesanger



Category: Lovelyz
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-26
Updated: 2016-04-26
Packaged: 2018-06-04 15:33:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,653
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6664318
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hyttesanger/pseuds/hyttesanger
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A secret Soojung just discovered after eight years of being together, is that Mijoo writes diary just like herself.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Dear Diary

**Author's Note:**

> Trigger Warning!

A secret Soojung just discovered after eight years of being together, is that Mijoo writes diary just like herself. 

How did the younger girl manage to hide all the thick notebooks with obnoxious colourful cover now piling on her lap in such a long time, she has no idea. It was probably the way Mijoo always keeps her belongings disorganized, that made Soojung never bother to tidy up her drawers and the diaries ended up overlooked beneath heaps of stationaries and random old mangas.

"And you dared calling me sentimental, overly feminine little girl for writing journals, huh..." Soojung snorts, glaring at the lithe figure sleeping beside her. 

Smile creeps up on her face as she turning yet another page of one book that looks oldest between all seven of them. It's more like reading personal records of their relationship, because so far everything she's read is basically just _Soojung this_ and _Soojung that_. Some makes her laugh, some are total cringey, there's also some others that make her wants to hit Mijoo - though Soojung knows she can't do that anymore now. Nevertheless, all of it brings out how much she'd became part of Mijoo's life.  
  
\---------------------  
  
**February 11, 2008**  
  
Dear diary!  
Hi~  
/waves/  
This is Mijoo's first diary ever!  
  
Since I never wrote anything before I'm a little confused of what to say ㅠㅠ  
I once saw Myungeunnie's and she wrote like novel in her diary ㅋㅋㅋㅋ  
Seriously how could she write that much ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ  
  
They say girls usually keep their secrets on their diary  
I... I actually have one too /fiddles/  
Should I tell you? /blushes/  
  
I am...  
I think I'm in love!  
Kya~  
  
Do you want to know about the person I like?  
Hm...  
But I'm very sleepy now!ㅠ  
ㅈㅅ  
I'll write about her tomorrow! Promise! ^^  
  
잘자용~ 쯕  
  
\---------------------  
  
**February 14, 2008**  
  
Diary~!!  
Today, Soojung received my chocolate!  
I'm so happy~  >.<  
  
ㄱㄷ  
You don't know who is Soojung?  
Ah yes I forgot to write yesterday ㅎㅎ Sorry!  
  
Lee Soojung is  
  
뚜두~둥!  
  
the girl I like!  
  
Actually I started writing diary  
because I know she has one hehe..  
  
She is the students council's president,  
very smart and diligent,  
loves to read too...  
I wonder if she'd used all the nutrition from her food just for studying  
that's why she never grew up any tall ㅋ  
  
But!  
She. Is. Super. Cute!  
If I tease her, she would blush profusely  
but then pretends like she's angry  
ㅋㅋ  
And when she smiles  
  
ㅇㅁㅇ!!  
  
/squeals/  
  
Ah I'm going crazy like this! >ㅆ<  
  
Diary... /fiddles/  
Do you think she will love me back?  
  
\---------------------  
  
"Shortie unnie..."  
  
Soojung glanced up indifferently, knowing well that angry or annoyed acts would get her teased even more.  
  
"How exacly is the 'good person' you're meaning when you answered ideal type question?"  
  
If only Mijoo paid more attention, she would probably notice Soojung's grip on the literature textbook she'd been read were tightened.  
  
"Someone who is.. Nice. Who wouldn't call me short or bonsai pumpkin, and not pulling prank on me everyday. Also someone who wouldn't get either D or F in every single of their exam and detention at least once a month for creating havoc in school."  
  
The junior student frowned. "That means you will never like me?"  
  
"Why would I? You're my ideal type of enemy, to be honest."  
  
Usually, Mijoo would quip back wittily or do something rash to respond, that was what Soojung expected. But not this time. This time, she got up to her feet, clearly trying to hide watery eyes behind her long bangs, and walked towards door of students council room.  
  
"Mijoo yah!"  
  
"It's okay. I'll learn to not like you anymore." Her voice was no more than whisper, yet Soojung still heard it.  
  
"Mijoo!"  
  
Soojung surprisingly caught her arms and turned her around with force. She almost jumped when the short girl dragged a chair and placed it between them, very harsh it caused loud bang. Soojung climbed on top of that chair, so she was in higher position than Mijoo.  
  
The next second, she pulled Mijoo by her dark green blazer's collar and connected their lips together.  
  
  
**April 24, 2008**  
  
'Sometimes, people fall for someone exact opposite of their ideal.' she said.  
  
Dear diary ♥♥♥  
Lee Mijoo is officially Lee Soojung's girlfriend today! ♥_♥  
  
\---------------------  
  
**November 17, 2009**  
  
Diary...  
  
I'm mad!  >A<  
I know exam's coming soon  
But I don't like Soojung forced me to study all the time! ㅡㅡ  
  
No phone. No game. No date.  
No kiss too... :(((  
  
We always fought but I think this time is the worst ㅜㅜ  
  
What?  
Are you telling me I'm not mature and I have to apologize first too?!  
헐!  
Diary, you're just as annoying as Myungeun and Yeinnie! ㅉㅉ  
  
~~I will not say sorry! >:(~~  
  
Okay I lose.  
I'll apologize and study so I can enter same college with Soojung!  
  
Lee Mijoo you can do it! 화이팅!  
  
\---------------------  
  
"Guess what?"  
  
Soojung's eyes warily scrutinized Mijoo drawing near, hands behind her back obviously hiding something, and her smile all mischievous.  
  
"What?"  
  
"93!" Mijoo howled, shoving her statistics exam paper first, then herself at Soojung, practically crushed the smaller girl.  
  
"There you go! I've told you you can do it!" Soojung laughed, ruffling Mijoo's hair, her expression full of proud. "Wow I didn't even score this high on this subject back then!"  
  
"Our promise was 80, so I deserve to get bonus right?!" If she could pass exam with good grade, Soojung would grant any of her wish, that was the agreement between them. "Hm, should I ask for some new.. Wha..."  
  
Mijoo didn't know for how long she'd held her breath. Probably the whole time since Soojung pushed her, back of her knees hit an edge of their bed before they both fell into it, and kissed her fiercely. She felt hand clumsily unbuttoning her shirt and pulling it off as lips trailing down her neck to collarbone.  
  
"Soojung unnie what are you doing?!"  
  
Soojung paused briefly, eyes raking over Mijoo while she looming above the younger. "Giving you your bonus."  
  
"I haven't even tell what I want!" Mijoo gasped, ucharacteristically shy of being exposed as Soojung resumed unclasping her bra and now nuzzling against her breast.  
  
"I know _what_ you want. I know the way you stared at me lately... And I want you the same."  
  
Low moans tore from Mijoo's throat. Soojung's motions were a bit awkward and lack of experience, but she still felt her entire body scorched under every touch.  
  
"Am I wrong?" Fingertips halted right above her pants' zipper.  
  
"You're not." Mijoo hissed. Vision blurry, back arched, everything submerged in ecstasy. "Soojung-- God-- Please. _Please_."  
  
  
**May 21, 2010**  
  
I think I've figured out the best kind of feeling one could ever have..  
  
It is when we wake up next to someone we love.  
Well, it's not all fire and passion and heart beating fast, but it's just... Great.  
Hm, how to explain this..  
I'm physically bigger but when Soojung holds me, it makes me feel so small. Like, I'm safe and sound with her arms around me, and listening to her breathing sound gives comfort..  
Like she's my home.  
  
Ah, I'll be right back later.  
Gotta go shopping for some new turtlenecks :P  
  
\---------------------  
  
**January 19, 2011**  
  
Diary ♥  
  
Time flies so fast right?  
It's our 1000 days anniversary today!  
ㅊㅋ!!  
/claps  
  
I am grateful I have Soojung in my life.  
We will be together until 10,000 days.. Even 100,000 and 1,000,000 days!  
Always :)  
  
\---------------------  
  
"It's gonna be okay. I'm sure they like you." Soojung patted Mijoo's back, offering a reassuring smile as the taller girl sighed for the umpteenth time.  
  
"Easy for you to say so, miss soon-to-be team leader."  
  
Soojung chuckled. "Trust me, they will accept you, you're soon-to-be team leader's girl."  
  
  
**December 11, 2012**  
  
Dear diary,  
I finally got my first job!  
미듀짱~! ^^  
  
Hehe  
It feels good to gain money with my own hands. Feels like it means I've truly became an adult.  
  
Now that I think about it, since we're both adult now, maybe we're ready to plan something more for our future together?  
  
>_< ~♥  
  
\---------------------  
  
**July 6, 2013**  
  
Today is Soojung's birthday, but she still hasn't recovered from bad cold, so we spent all day long celebrating it at home.  
  
Actually I was a bit upset.. It's hard to get tickets during summer holiday season but they've gone to waste like this ㅠ  
  
Would be good if Soojung didn't get sick so often :((  
  
Ah what am I doing... I have to think positively!  
  
Today was fun! ^^  
  
\---------------------  
  
**June 12, 2014**  
  
I don't understand at all...  
  
I'm so sure I didn't do anything wrong, and even if I did, I've already said sorry! But she didn't want to explain anything to me.  
Granted, we weren't perfect, but neither anyone else, right?  
We were fine before.  
So what does she mean with 'need some space' and 'we should have alone time for awhile'?  
  
Is that an excuse?  
Is she falling out of love?  
  
\---------------------  
  
**End of 2014**  
  
This is the final book, and Mijoo had stopped writing post mid November.  
  
Soojung's heart aches even more everytime she turns more blank page, imagining how back then Mijoo had probably spent so many sleepless nights staring at these clean papers with bloodshot eyes, unable to render her feelings into words and equally as numb as Soojung is right now.  
  
By the end of the book, she finally finds one last sentence scribbled there.  
  
_Soojung, I'll always love you._  
  
\---------------------  
  
It's been a while since morning sunlight streaming through the half closed blind became the only thing Mijoo needs to wake her up . She sits up, shaking off the drowsiness and re-orienting herself for some moments before gets to her feet, and walks to the already almost empty kitchen.  
  
Two tablespoons of ground coffee, one and half cups of water. The recipe Soojung had once taught her.  
  
Soojung watches Mijoo as she presses power button of their old coffee maker, nice fresh scent filling the whole room. She prepares sugar and cream, and milk for Soojung (they both understand well that Soojung’s over 18 but girl just couldn’t stop trying to get taller), sets their favourite mugs on the dining table; she then leans her head down beside the machine, watching dark liquid drips slowly into the pot while quietly humming random song. The same morning ritual they always did before.  
  
The machine beeps. Soon, two mugs of coffee is ready. The coffee Soojung knows she would never be able to taste anymore, but Mijoo keeps making one for her every morning.  
  
At first, it's just whispering sniffs. Then louder sobs. Tears roll down her cheeks and some are falling into the coffee.  
  
When she hears Mijoo's hitched breath, Soojung instantly runs to her. Embracing her tightly, planting kiss on her temple, though she knows Mijoo can no longer touch her pale hands or feel her cold lips.  
  
She folds her white wings forward, wrapping them both inside it, hoping they would be able to transmit some comforts. And though she exactly knows that it's futile, Mijoo wouldn't be able to hear her, that they are no longer in same world, Soojung still whispering _I'm here, always here beside you_ and _I love you_ to her still alive soulmate.  
  
\---------------------  
  
Everything fell apart when Soojung passed away suddenly - she had learned an acute cancer was slowly eating her life inside years before, but decided to keep everything from her girlfriend and fight against it alone. So by the time Mijoo finally found out the real reason of Soojung keeping their distance away, they only had two choices left, to extend her time a little by living a painful machine-depended life, or to let her go with ease.  
  
Soojung thought by doing so, Mijoo would get over her soon in the aftermath. But she didn't.  
  
Mijoo screamed _leave me alone_ to their worried-sick friends, declining invitations to go out and rejecting phonecalls. It was unexpected someone as social as Mijoo would shut herself from world, but she just did not know how, _did not want_ , to live in a world where Lee Soojung doesn't exist.  
  
Coccooning herself inside wasn't do any better either. Because every room, corner, wall, everywhere reflected soft laughter and pair of dimples and sweet singing voice; all memories they'd shared together. She started reading Soojung's books, using Soojung's perfume, doing daily routine Soojung used to do. Like desperately keeping every fragment left from Soojung because she was afraid they would vanish too.  
  
It continued on throughout the year, and even Mijoo knew this had to end, this was driving her insane, she just couldn't stop herself. So for a while, she was convinced she'd gone insane.  
  
\---------------------  
  
"Mijoo-yah, are you ready to go now? The car's waiting for us." Seulgi makes her way through piles of box scattered all over Mijoo's old bedroom. "What is that?"  
  
Mijoo quickly snatches the book before Seulgi's hand ever reach it. "Don't! It's my old diaries. It's very embarassing you can't read them!" She laughs nervously.  
  
"Ooh... You write that kind of stuff too?" Surprise evident in Seulgi's expression. "It doesn't suit you somehow."  
  
"Yeah, I know right!"  
  
"So what are you gonna do with all of those?"  
  
"I haven't decided." Mijoo puts her diary back on the nightstand. "Maybe I should leave them here for a little longer."  
  
"Yeah. Take time as much as you need." Seulgi smiles, reaching out to brush some strayed bangs from Mijoo's face. "I'll wait until you can look back at your past as happy memories instead of painful ones, and ready to start anew."  
  
\---------------------  
  
The moment is still after two of them left. Soojung wanders quietly around the now empty apartment, reminiscing the time when she was there as she passing through living room and kitchen. Their old mugs sit neatly on the counter, clean and contain no more cold coffee for her.  
  
After a little over a year, Mijoo had finally agreed with their friends' suggestion to move out of their home. The new place will be closer to her workplace and downtown. And closer to Seulgi too.  
  
Though she's happy Mijoo have someone else who sincerely care for her and gradually learn to smile once again - Mijoo still cries sometimes, wakes up reaching out for something that isn't there, but at least now she remembers how to be happy - Soojung can't help but think sooner or later she would be replaced; buried down as long forgotten memory.  
  
"Everything's really gone now.."  
  
Soojung reached her bedroom, while sitting down on her bed, something on the nightstand catch her attention. Mijoo's diary has been left spreaded open there. It's the same one she has seen last night, but a new journal has been added into the last page.  
  
Small smile cracks, then turns wider as she carefully reading Mijoo's handwriting, single tear escapes her eye. It's supposed to be impossible for her to feel anything anymore, but right now, for the first time in a year, Soojung feels she's surrounded by warmth.  
  
She was definitely wrong. She's not going anywhere, her place is still inside the heart of person she loves so much.  
  
  
**March 20, 2016**

Dear Soojung...  
Are you reading this from up there?

How are you? Have you found out how does it feel to fly between stars on midnight sky?  
ㅎㅎ  
I bet you've became one of the most beautiful angel over there.

I miss you so much, you know that, right?

But it's gonna be okay. I'll be okay.

I've realized what I've been doing all this time was wrong, it only hurted you even more because I turned our moments together into agonizing memories.  
I promise from now on I'll remember you with smile and not tears.  
So you don't need to worry anymore.

Soojung.  
Thank you for everything.  
I'm grateful I had you.  
Death may ended your life, but not our relationship.  
I'll always, always, love you :)

 

**Author's Note:**

> Original prompt: Imagine person A dying suddenly and Person B continuing to make them a cup of coffee every morning, even though they know it will go cold. From http://rebloggy.com/post/death-sad-submission-emotional-domestic/40939626366


End file.
